Chasing after Innocence

Over the past few months I realised that I am starting to losing my innocence. I had beliefs that people who had good corporate values had good family values as well. That once your married all your troubles are over. Friendships last forever. Not everyone has major drama happening in their lives. People care. People's mind sets have moved from the 1850s into the 2000s.Rich people dont cheat other rich people. You can trust people.

Well obvi from all the above that it all came crashing down on me. Every time one of the above mentioned situations occurred I was lost for words, It was a weird emotion of shock and nothingness at the same time. The shock is not that I didnt know that these things happen, the shock is that I thought I would always be surrounded by people who had Zero drama in their lives. So when shit happened to a person who is so close to me. I didnt know what to do except....... Just to........ Shut up and listen.

Where are those happy days they seem so innocent and behind. Those happy days of carefree, not a care in the world days. Now its job(boss-her/his madness,moodiness, whims), colleagues (their baggages, attitudes,jokes(which hardly makes your mouth twitch),we have to pretend to care, we are forced to listen), boyfriends/husband (I have no personal experience, but from observations its all the he said-she said drama),

Remember school and college, where whatever your superior said got lost half way between her/his mouth and your brain. Where we didnt have to put up with gossip mongers, two faced rascals, those that did bad things and those that were just absolutely weird, Now its all smiles and "oh really ha ha ha ha" when what really thinking is "I really dont give a shit."

For me now everyone is a potential backstabber. Which means that maybe I am also a potential backstabber, all I ask of myself is that I do it unknowingly than knowingly. The more I grow up the more aware of my own craftiness my own potential evil. Maybe thats why for many nights I dreamt of children, one running behind one, the other time singing to it, the other time feeding it. So I googled it and found out that sub-conscientiously I am scared of losing my innocence and free spirit.

Pondering over this for days and days on end.Till a line from the good Lord saved me.

"Be wise as serpents AND as INNOCENT as doves"

Dream Snatcher

I have heard the question about the shortage of leaders in the world, or the lack of people to make a difference.
I think the answer is because people are not given the chance. When you are saddled along with 20,000 other employees, who loves any one enough to take the effort to find the "dark knight". We barely know our neighbors or ourselves, sifting through the hay to find the silver needle is a task no one would even think off.

I was watching the video "Indescribable" and there the speaker showed a picture of the earth some gazillion miles away and it was called the "pale blue dot". And he said that everyone who has lived there life have lived it on that pale blue dot. When I heard that the thought that ran through my mind was not the number of people who have lived, but the number of dreams that had died on that pale blue dot. How many people had the potential but died before making it, how many people had what it took to be great but it was all thwarted by their superiors or someone who unjustly made them lose their dream.

Heard of the Dream Catcher, I dont believe in it. But I believe in the Dream Snatcher, its a behavior in all of us, if we deny the behavior we have lied to ourself for the millionth and thirty first time.


You must be wondering why am I going on about the universe, dreams and such depressing stuff, it would be because I saw some dreams being crushed and I felt like a Dream Snatcher terrorist, even though I didnt make the decision. I saw it, I knew the dreams and I saw reality. I wish I could tell them about the sorrow of what is to take place. Then maybe they can move to a place where their dreams can actually come true. I suddenly got a cold chill down my spine, if they could do that to them, then they can do the same things to me. I screamed in my head.

John Lennon' "Working Class Hero" (slightly retold)

As soon as you start they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.


They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

Keep you doped with sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still peasents as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.

If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.

Grown up?

Well lets see what happened over the last 2 months, I got a new boss, my parents viva'd Las Vegas, I was dumped at grans place, must stay there more often, cos I loose a lot of weight when am there (which is contrary to most popular saying about living with the grans), and the usual world stories of Hurricanes, killing of Christians, banks going bankrupt and those merciless bombs going off all over the place.

Suddenly I don't have the time to be introspective as I was a little while ago. My life has been live now and do everything now.... Yes I am very much apart of the right here right now generation and I am proud of it. I read about some slow movement in Europe, I think I would die of frustration there.

You know what people have been telling me "Wow you've grown so much". I think that line was supposed to be said during my teen years not in the middle of 22.My mom also told me that I had become a big girl and one of teachers told me that I have become such a grown up. Hearing all these things I felt Tremendously Insulted. Dont ask me why but I did.

I saw Singh is Kinng............BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stored Memories

In search of a lost CD, we cleaned out the attic, in our house the attic are the top cupboards nobody looks at unless they want to shove something there, things that we or someone might need at some point of time that never comes. My father started pulling things out on the instructions of my mother, he stopped after exactly one cupboard realising that he was being used as a cleaner. So my mother roped me into it, I thought "Good Lord this is not how I want to spend my evening". But as I looked through all the huge bags filled with things stored away, I was happy that I stayed, mostly because my mother would have thrown away half of MY stuff, if I hadnt been there to supervise.

As we cleaned out the closet/attic. I found my old life, books from school, college, their magazines, old school uniforms that friends had written on,games, letters, birthday cards... and one that was 10 years old and telling me to "Hold On to my youth". Why was I being told that I needed to hold on to my youth at the age of 12??? I dont know.I'll need that card when I am three times twelve. I also found an old picture of my grandfather. I put it on my table.

I find it strange that we tend put sweet memories away in some box on top of some shelf that is out of our way and only occasionally look back once in 8 years and look at them for twenty minutes and again put them away for the next 8 years of our lives. But bad memories are stored in our minds, which we carry around in our hearts and go about with them everyday, memories of people/life who have hurt us, cheated us, disappointed us, those scabs harden our hearts against the world/life. Yet we know on some top shelf in the place we call home, is the place we have stored our best memories, those that make us smile and laugh and warm and soften/heal our scabbed/stabbed hearts.


I put my grandfather's picture on the table to remind my mother that there was some one who had loved her unconditionally and its on my table to show that there is still and always be someone who will also love her unconditionally. Its also on my table to remind me that there might have been someone on earth who had dreamt of me, even before my mother did, someone who was dying to see me. I also kept a card outside to remind me that I had wonderful friends and the more wonderful thing is that we are still friends a decade later. Maybe we should all keep something on our everyday worktable to remind our sub conscience that yes there were some good people around some of the some people are still around to create more memories that we can store in a box which we can put away and after 8 years pull them out and smile at the life and people we once had.


Memories, something that I know will live a little longer than me.

Girls the new guys

Over the past 2 months I have heard that 2 of my guy friends and 6 more guys I knew in college are going to get hitched. There's nothing wrong in that, its just that these guys are my age and they are getting married so young.All of my guy friends brides are chosen by mummy dearest, except for one. The rest had brides allotted to them.

While all my Girl friends are planning to wait another 4-5years before they even think of tying the knot. Their choice of partners are going to be their choice, if mommy and daddy dearest don't agree, then they will just have to find a way to get along with their in 5 years would be son-in-law.

How is it that the girls are being more daring nowadays, late marriages, career focused, must stand on two feet which are my own attitude. While the guys are ready to settle down and do what mama says and join papa's business.

Girls are now foot loose and fancy free while guys prefer chaining themselves down?

What happened? when did this transition take place?

When did the boys turn into mommy and daddy's little prince and the girls turn into the wild child.

I truly truly didn't know how to react when I heard one of my guy friends say "I'll marry whom ever my mom chooses for me, even, if that girl is blind. If my mother says marry her, I'll marry her."

I didn't know whether to think, his thinking was noble or foolish. Good thing I didn't say what I thought which was "LOSER".

I just hope and pray that I don't ever have to end up with a mama's boy. If the guy I'm with has to consult his mama for everything, then he would have to go to her for comforting too, cos I would have dumped him for sure.

Call me whatever but, I somehow don't respect mama's boys, they kinda fall slightly in front of me, they go from man to wimp, very fast.

Don't get me wrong, its important to love your mom and respect her and so on, but there is a very well drawn out line, from a man who loves his mother and a one that depends on his mother's opinion on everything.


(Stray but relevant incident- My friend told me that once her mother was so proud and dismayed at the same time. Proud because her son asked her to teach him how to cook and dismayed that her 23 year old daughter has never asked and probably never will.
Now her brother knows his way around the kitchen and helps her mother in any way he can. Her mother says if my daughter EVER wants to learn cooking then.....
DAY 1: Tour de Kitchen- places where spoons, pans, plates are kept will be shown.
From there she shall start.)

Instead of the guy asking the girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage, the girl will be asking the guy's mother permission. I would personally never EVER do that.

If these are the new breed of guys, I rather die an old maid, there will be no him, me and his mommy triangle, where I am concerned.

To all who are with mama's boys, all the best to you. And to the rest, if you ever meet a mama's boy please say ......... NEXT!!!!!!

D.R.E.A.M

Life would be great if where I lived had 100 odd million people less, the weather of 1970's. the technology of today. Would it be perfect?????? Would it ??? would it???????? Well I cant think of anything more perfect, I'm sure that some genius critic will find 100 things wrong with my make believe era. But still "I HAVE A DREAM".

If you have ever read more than 10 pages of any thing management, you will always come across the S.M.A.R.T goals, where S is something and M is one thing More. Anyway what its says in short that it should be practical, achievable and within a time frame and in those boundaries one is to make goals irrespective of them being personal, professional or otherwise.

I wonder do Dreams also have to follow such guidelines for them to come true? Must I dream of practical and achievable things, like not screwing up (achievable)(practical), (within my given time frame) during the week.

Can I not dream of something absolutely normal like traveling to the moon, because I won a contest which I had entered at the local mall. Or me being randomly selected as the next prime minister because the country wanted an experiment in luck and I'm the lucky one.Or I wake up in the morning and get a call from the United Nations asking for my opinion.

See none of these dreams are outlandish, its not like I want to sprout wings and fly or get fins and gills and go discover our ocean. I dream normal things, but still I know that they coming true is never going to be a reality.

Maybe I should right a book, which will join the exclusive billion member club of the "How to books". I will write on "How to dream the right way". It will contain truths like....If you think that tomorrow you will be CEO, then that is not dreaming the right way, if you dream to be CEO in 20 years, then you are well on your way to using the executive washroom.Basic fundas like that are not explained to people, thats why there is so much of violence and frustration among the youth. Its because nobody tells them the right way to day dream.

In the unspecified future days, I shall write a book on day dreaming, please book your copy of the book now, there maybe a shortage.Now thats the right way of Dreaming, all who are wise follow my example.