Everything is not perfectly everything

You know what so annoying about life, its that you cant have everything, which is so unfair. Whats wrong in getting everything that you want. Some people... ok ....just Me...... thinks that I deserve to have everything, I have been a very good person, and therefore I must be entitled to have everything. This does not make me a spoilt or an in grate . I want everything good in life not venus and mars to be perfectly aligned.

Fine..... fine if I cant have everything then Why oh way cant everything I have be perfect, maybe I can live without somethings,if what I already had was perfect. No flaws in anything that I had. I would be so perfectly content with the perfection of what I perfectly own.

If I can't have everything and everything I have isnt going to be perfect then...........................

Why cant I be perfect... and do things perfectly.. I hate making mistakes, especially when I have taken major efforts in not making mistakes, and then someone points out a mistake...... I wanna just scream....... actually just growl and give out a royal roar........ ofcourse I would rather turn back time not make the mistake and then I would be like you know.... happy. Why is that the harder I try for perfection the more mistakes I make. I wanna just kick myself. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR................ .............. Why cant I do things perfectly.....................why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why............. Times like these I wish the earth would open up and swallow me.
You learn only thru mistakes... people tell me ... bah!! I say............................ The only thing ve learnt... is that I cant do anything right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Cant have everything......
Cant have perfection......
Cant be perfect......

Oh beautiful life.................................. I thinketh that it is the pursuit that makes it beautiful........ If it so-eth... I think I will screameth.

Sane warped people

I have met a few people who read but I cant say that they are well read people, which is strange as they have read all the great classics and all the "must reads" of books of our time or they have read all the intellectual books . But the knowledge and finesse doesn't stream out of them as it should be. The reason behind this is that either they have not imbibed the book and sought to understand the author's writing and were unable to form an insightful opinion. The other type of read but not well read are those that they have read so many intellectual books which they have not fully understood (but they live in the illusion that they have), they take that and mix it with their own thought off warped philosophy and attempt an opinion which sounds to philosophically pretentious to me.

The later is what happens when people have no strong believes in one thing which will steady their thought life. When people know themselves and know what they believe in then,when reading other people's philosophies they will have the option to reject or accept. But when one is unsure of who they are or what they believe in or what they are looking for, they tend not to take the philosophy as a whole, just take what they like to hear. All that plus their own philosophy adds up to their warped thinking.

Sane as these people are in all medical terms, in terms of what is right and wrong (socially and morally) they are idiot savants. How can one help correct this. Is it a possibility? They live in the illusion of their own so called "great thinking and philosophy" and it is so subtle it has hard to point it out. One has to listen to them speak alot to realise that their thinking is "a little crrraaazy". A good part of me thinks that one can never tell a sane warped person that they are what they are because they have lived in that so called "intellectual bubble" for so long that they will not like it if you start poking it. They also are very defensive about their philosophies they have absolute conviction in their made up believes. I understand their defense, its because they are scared that we sane non warped people will tell them something that will shatter their bubble and they will have to face REAL life philosphies.

If you ever meet a sane warped person, all you can do is pray for them or run away from them.


OH BTW, previous blog got deleted, cos it was baring too much of my soul.

Still........... Rapid

Still waters run deep........ well everyone in my family I assure you is everything but still. Noise is the order of the house, mom's yelling, dad's cricket, my music. Even when we are not contributing to our respective noises, we still are so noisy, we talk loud and we all talk too much. So according to the old saying "still waters run deep" we are completely superficial people. But my observation of noisy waters and still waters contradicts the old saying. Still waters maybe deep but they are very murky, and the chances of them become full of algae, fungi and bacteria are quite high.

Thats the danger with quiet people(those non talkative), they are so to themselves, that its difficult to know whats infesting in them, it maybe bitterness, anger, spite... all these infestations just grow and grow. And when they do something everyone is so shocked, "they cannot believe that person did such an such thing.... she/he was always a quite being",,,, I have known at least 5 really "quite" people and they have all turned around and have done something so outrageous that people till today talk about it. Thats the thing with noisy people you always know whats going on with them, you know how deep and wide they are and you know their potential, you know how they are going to react.

Rapid waters excite, they challenge the one that decides to test them, people who ride through waters, first must be able to handle the speed and then all the obstacles of huge boulders, sharp turns, sudden falls. Some of the best fish are breed in rapid waters,

Still waters petrify me, its as silent as the grave, when the storm comes,deeper the waters higher and rougher are the waves. They are more prone to dirt and god alone knows how many once alive things have been thrown in there...eeeyuck, I think still waters are deeply troubled.

Question 1.... still or not to be still.........

Question 2... Rapid waters with a still heart or could it be vice a versa ?????????

Adrenaline without the rush

There is a song called Sandstorm... well its not actually a song... its more of a musical composition as there are no words. The composition is a rave party favorite. The music is so fast, its difficult to dance to such a number, but it is widely loved as people can feel their adrenaline levels rising just by listening to it. Whenever I listen to that and feel the music in me, its an awesome feeling, but.. the thing with adrenaline is that you will enjoy it when you are actually doing something that is that fast. If you experience adrenaline and if your just sitting in front of a computer you are going to get very frustrated. I tried imagining that am running, or driving real fast,or doing something that can match the speed, but I couldnt. The song is just too fast. I love that song but it frustrates me too much.

Suddenly I dont know why, maybe I am completely wrong .... but I dont care..... It kinda makes me think that thats how I am perceiving my life, I feel like what I am seeing and perceiving of life is that the speed of it is so fast, and I can feel it and I love it and I want to be apart of that mad rush but I am not and thats whats frustrating me. Its the rush without the rush. Everything is moving so fast and you can get things fast but its not the important things. Life things that are important like, success, goals, dreams.... stuff like that takes forever. Thats the reasons for anger and frustration, we can see life whizzing by us in fifth gear and we are stuck in second gear.

I rarely listen to Sandstorm, cos it causes what I call musical frustration, when you know what you want to listen too but cant get the right track. It just so pisses me off. Again its kind of whats happening now, I know what I want, I know my destination, I have the will, I have my dream and I have my goal but I cant see how I am going to get there. I hate those think positive books (written by authors that committed suicide), I tried it all, and when you think positive and you do the envisioning and planning and stuff and it doesnt happen, then its like the castles in the air that you built come crashing down on you like lead bricks. Then what!!!!!!!!!

Guard

I have a line written on my pin up board which says "There is folly in many words", I put it up after hearing my dad lecture my sister on all the drama that she had been causing(her story long story.. not now). I thought I about that line and thought how apt that line is for me, I sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve, which is stupid as in my head I keep thinking that I have my guards up. But the fact is that unknowingly I say something and as soon as I say it, I think "Shit!!!did I just give a bit of heart away?" and regret follows and every time something like that happens all I do is hope and pray that what I let out wont come back to spear me.

How does one know who to trust? what to trust them with, and how much to trust them with, your heart and your life.

I used to write all my emotions on a piece of paper, whether I was really happy or sad or felt very driven, after writing, I suddenly felt a strong sense of bond with that piece of paper, I would never want to let it go as I would have written my heart on it. Time passes and the paper is tossed into other piles of paper into some file. At some later point when I find it, a healing memory comes over me. It struck me that if I can feel so attached to a paper, then how much more a person, if I let my guard down and give my heart away, and if that person throws it back at my face, oh man imagine the pain. Thankfully that hasnt happened yet. But a lil bits of who I am and what are my heart's desires have been let out.

Two statements floating in my head " Everyone is a potential Backstabber" and "There is folly in many words"

I think.......... No actually............ I KNOW............ that.........

Now!!!!! its mouth shut and guards up.

23

I turned 23.Everything seems so far and near. Which is soooo weird.

King David said "All of mankind lies", they did then and they still do now.

Man!!! am a cynic or what........

Year

For this new year's party am real happy about the plans ve made, which is.......Nothing! which is something that always works out very well around this time of the year....

Well in the begining of the year, I had suspected certain people would die and this and that would happen in the world. Glad to inform you that all suspected are still alive and worse happened in the world.

This year there was a massive financial recession. You think the roads would be empty cos everyone's going broke, but oh No!!!!!!! its like no one has even heard of it. The roads are jammed, still have to wait forever to get a seat at restaurants. Am mean Hellooo!!! Shouldnt everyone be sitting at home making a little nest egg for the stormy days ahead, instead of inconveniencing me!

Last year I didnt make any new year resolutions I only told myself that I would attempt things (attempting is not the same as making a resolution) like.....being nice to my sister, losing weight, pretend to like marketing and help out mom, well...... a year later from that I am still attempting the attempting, Its sometimes very tempting to start attempting all the things I plan on attempting but when my sister bugs me, I see enchiladas and when "Punkd or Heroes" is on the telly,temptation to attempt is overcome by not doing any attempting. So for next year I will carry over the attempting the attempting plan. Isnt that brilliant.My brain is better than I give it credit for.

Well back to my new years plans, its church and pizza, I love it when just before it strikes 12 we all snuggle up on the sofa and talk about the year gone by and thank the good lord for all his countless blessings. "Its just so Delicate"(I 'll give rs 50 for those who can tell me who made that word famous).

For like 2 mths there was dry spell on the music scene and now its like there's so much, Kayne West's 808s and heartbreaks is just awesome, Britney's Circus is just so Britney and Dido after sooooooo long she's back and its so nice. Downloading all their stuff has been such a treat.


Anyways.....I GTG........

You know ve been still thinking about this line...... "Everyone is a Potential BackStabber". It gives me a weird sense of security and also scares the crap out of me at the same time.