Maria Maria

There have been two Maria’s in my life and both have played a significant and memorable role in my spiritual life. They have taught me that God will send you a person in your season of need and send them away when the season ends.

For the First Maria, she was in my class during my B.com days and in the beginning we were hi-bye friends. It was only in my second year that I found out that Maria was a born-again believer. I was so happy, finally someone here I can talk to about spiritual stuff and godly stuff. We became friends and talked mostly about how to get out of class after giving attendance. And we thought faboosh plans all of which may I state has worked. With right tactic with the right teacher, getting out of class with attendance is not easy the first time, but on your fourth attempt it’s a habit and any other outlandish behavior (like sitting thru the full class) became absurd.

We decided that we would meet every day and have a prayer time, which we did do and it was awesome. I understood then how important fellowship is and with someone your age going through the same things!!!! Wow total blessing!!! Suddenly new insights on how to handle teenage life, without completely losing it. She became such a blessing to me.

I remember there was a time that my mom and I fought every single day mostly before I left for college. I used to get so upset, I was actually more angry and I refused to apologize because at 18 you are always right! Right? So one day I told her that my mom and I always fighting and I do not know how to handle this constant battle we are having. I will never forget what she said…. “Just say sorry… even if you are right, just say sorry. Things will get better on their own by just saying sorry”.

I learnt then that saying sorry was truly a very hard word. Some people let bygones be bygones, without any apology given and taken. When that is done, there is a cave dug out with the memory of the incident. But with sorry, that cave gets shaved off .My mother and I had a much better relationship then on. She thinks it was gradual, as we had spent many years together. But I know it was from my time in B.com when I learnt to say SORRY.

Now a days I keep a yelling quota for my mother, she can yell only a certain amount every day. After that its un-acceptable behavior. My mother thinks that is very amusing and starts laughing when I say “ok, mom enough, your quota for the day is over” . But I never am joking about it. I learnt from this behavioral quota with my mother, that when you give people space to be human i.e to be angry, irritated, depressed, whiny, etc. Your tolerance levels actually increase and you will realize when you are doing it as well. Beyond their quota you cut them cold turkey. Then they also realize that too much of such behaviors is more than a person can take.

Giving people space to be themselves also helps us understand that, friends and family aren’t perfect, they have their off days. There are days they don’t want to be on their own which does not translate to they don’t want to be your friend or they are upset with you. Relationships tend to strengthen when you give the other person space to be themselves or have a bad day, without you making them feel worse about their already rotten day.

My Second encounter with a Maria, was so led by god. The first time we had decided to meet, I was actually going to ditch her, as my friend Sarah was going to get engaged, and I was dying to see her. But something kept nudging me and nudging me, till I decided to go see Maria.

Thank god I did, as she hadn’t seen my previous messages of cancelling and was completely confused about whether we were meeting or not and was waiting at our pre-destined place.

I started speaking to her and realized that she was a brand new believer. I thought she knew Christ for awhile. But she is brand new in the Lord, she’s just a baby in Christ.

Then my mind went into “panic mode” and this was what streamed through my head,

“everything I say to her will have major affects on her spiritual life”.

“I must say awesome things!!! But what?? I don’t know anything!!!!!

(Note to self:Why don’t I study the bible more? Must study the Bible more)

“God what am I to say to her. Forgive me in advance for messing up”

“Ok my mouth is opening now, may loads of sense come out of it”

An hour later of… believe it or not of BOTH of us talking, I realized that it what I was saying was coming from the Holy Spirit. I could feel it, cos there was no way such amazing intelligent, spiritual stuff came out of my mind.(See God takes over, so you won’t screw it up for everybody)

This is was the First time I have ever felt the Holy spirit take over and do the talking. Now I understand what they mean by led by the spirit. Now I get it.

I think she was encouraged by what I said, because she seemed kinda relieved after talking to me.

I learnt from that lesson that never ever ever tell a new believer that narrow road is hard. A lesson that is better self learnt. Always encourage them. (I remember telling my new believer friend Evelyn how much she had grown in the Lord in a short time, that completely made her enthused in her want for growth).

Over the months when Maria was with me, I learnt from her that it is so important to encourage believers in their growth for the Lord. It’s so essential that you let them know that God loves you even more for trying to be the best you can through him. And you must tell them that God is not standing with a ruler ready to spank you, the minute you stumble.

Again God reinforced the importance of Fellowship. You may not need the encouragement, but there will be someone who needs it from you. Because you have been in that pit before and you need to stretch your hand out and help them up.

Both the Maria’s seasons have finished in my life. Only walking on my road will tell me whether I will cross paths with them again.

I know I have social networking sites to connect all of us. But meeting a believer in the virtual world and in the real world makes a world of a difference.

Last thing I heard from my college Maria was that she was ready to be a Mama and from my other Maria, she is out there growing beautifully in the Lord.

Dear Santa....... Amen

My God My Santa Claus?

Countless number of sermons have been given on the subject of Blessings. The one thing I find common in all the sermons is that they all talk about the same thing. The Lord will bless you in everything you do, the Lord will give you a promotion, the Lord will heal you from all your diseases, the Lord will provide all your needs (which includes our MAYjor credit card bills, our extravagance, our debts), the Lord will give you everything your heart desires.

If you listen carefully, they are making it sound like God is Santa Claus, “you better watch out, you better not pout, cos santa claus is coming to town… he’s making a list and checking it twice” That’s the essence of what they tell us, be good, and good things only will come to us.

Don’t all preachers say that we will see blessings and god will bless us in everything we do.

I sort of understand when people call this false gospel. Because sometimes the blessing may not come while we are alive, but it may go to my future generations. What if I don’t see my blessing, does that mean I have never been blessed. What about those missionaries who suffer every single day more and more because of their passion for Christ. What about their blessing? Doesn’t God visit them as well? Why do they then suffer so much? There are people are the most God fearing people on this planet and yet they have the worst things happen to them. Why weren’t they blessed with money and protection? Why have their children gone wrong? Where are their blessings after sacrificing so much?

Blessings are so important to us, everyday we pray that God will bless us.

I asked myself do I deserve these blessings, I know I am a child of God. But have I lived my life in such a way to merit such wondrous blessings? Will these blessings stop? If I don’t have one or multiple ones, is my blessing account being depleted? What do I need to do to keep the blessings flowing in?

And that statement made me sick!!!

Have I being worshipping God, to get something out of him, am I treating him like Santa Claus

If I am not good, will he take all my goodies away. Am I worshipping the Lord for the right reason or am I just worshipping him to be safe and get all the things I need.

Would I still love God if he took away everything from me? I would say yes. But everything is not being taken away from me so it is an easy yes.

When you want to kick optimism in the ass

I sat in my new desk in my new job in my new city and stared outside my new view. The song “A whole new world” ran through my head. It was a whole new world. But nothing shined nothing shimmered and things were splendorless.

People call Mangalore a sleepy slow town, but in my view you have to move to be slow. The town wakes up at nine and goes to bed by seven. People scuttle around this town in absolutely no hurry. Fast food joints take 25 minutes to serve you French fries burnt to unedible and terrible burgers. Your around the corner coffee day take 20 minutes to get you the bill. There is only one speed here-absolute slow that you are barely moving.

Everything is 10-20 minutes away. One of my closest friends love the pace in this town, even a lot of other people do. But for me it’s a ghost town, like the ghost of the unknown and slow are haunting me. Places, people, routes, food, language and everything in between seems to be from another era, an era I only read about in Malgudi days.

Walking home from my bus stop, I realized that there weren’t any pavements or streetlights at regular intervals and the road looked like it had tar on it sometime ago but just not now. As I walked home in the rain, on a road with no light, and barely a road(using my mobile light to guide me), I realized how home sick I was. I missed Bangalore’s pollution, its dirty pavements(atleast it was there) its overpriced commodities at least they were there. You felt the city move, you felt the speed you felt energetic. Here in the lethargy of the city I feel like a race car on a slow lane.

My sister told me that I would love this town and all I ask is, am supposed to love a town that brings fungus to my clean and dry clothes and she said yes.

The food is here is eccentric, people put coconut in vegetable puffs and serve samosas with coconut chutney and the sambhar has sugar and the dal has no salt. Localites love ice-creams, and the ice-cream sundae served in a gudbud style, as in there are so many things in one ice-cream. It’s got atleast 3 layers (with very weird combinations)and they have sauces that match the ice-cream (and no I am not kidding about the matching sauces).

My mother thinks I am being jaundiced eye over this issue, that I am just out to hate it. So to prove her wrong I went out with a mind set to love the city. I went to the joint where all the kids hang out and I sat there and had fan muck blown at me for one hour. I said ok, it’s just a glitch, it will improve. Then had an argument with a auto guy for charging me extra for coming to the main mall in the city. Then I said, auto guys were just all the same. Absolute jackasses. I walked into the big mall, covered with Independence day decorations and I thought “ok, let’s try some retail therapy” maybe this city is an undiscovered fashion paradise. I walked by rack and racks of clothing and wondered what was the inspiration behind these pieces of clothing… night gowns or bed spreads? Just absolutely awful clothes. The western formals looked like shrunken men’s clothing. After that eye sore. I went up to the great super market. This super market had everything except the things you needed like moth balls, string and simple plates that can be used to cover stuff in the microwave.

I come home after all that and I am welcomed with Lizard shit all over my window-sill and floor. How can this be possible, I just paid a bomb to an exterminator and they are still around. Then the final straw was when I picked my jean that I put near the window to get some sun, one entire side was covered in white fungus. That’s when I gave up completely.

I found out somethings about myself, like I am a 100%city girl. I like a fast life. I give up optimism if it doesn’t work on a situation after two tries.

I know one thing for sure, I know I made a mistake by accepting to come here. Now I pay for that mistake. If making a bad choice is better than making a no choice at all. And if this is what a bad choice is, I shudder to think of life with not making the choice.

Weekend at Kerala

It is in my DNA to show up earlier than anyone else at any given place. So true to my very being I showed up forty minutes early to catch my bus to Cochin,Kerala. My friends turned up 30 minutes after that and my bus arrived forty minutes after my friends did. Thankfully the rain lashed down the minute the bus started from the station.

My friend Kurian insisted on poking everyone around him and insisting we be informed where we have just passed at 1:30 in the morning. My luck insisted that a baby sit behind me and pull my freshly conditioned hair four or five times, because he/she/it feels like it.

The six of us landed in Cochin and went straight to breakfast where we were served hard idli,cold sambhar and pink warm water. We discussed what we should do the rest of the day (Pink water??) . We realised that the rains in the three states we were in and passed drenched all our bags which were stored in the below compartment (well, all except mine). This information ensued discussions of what plan A, B,C should be if clothes are destroyed by colour runs (Pink warm water, Really?!). Anyway after breakfast and enlightening my friend Shilpa why people drank warm water in the morning the 5 of us (Kurian didnt want to spend the entire day with noisy girls, he stayed back with our friend Jitu) got into our innova all ready for our journey to Kanjarapally (Spelling of this will constantly change, as I barely know how to say it).

The driver was nice enough to inform us that we would be there in 3-4 hours, which kind of dampened our readiness as we were very ready for a one hour trip. Enthusiasm squished out and annoyance soaked in. Preeti dried her clothes all over the car, Shilpa had warm water and tender coconut after affects and I was completely parched.

Since it took forever to reach Kanjarapalli we thought it best to go see our friend Priyanka before going to our rooms (I seem to have forgotten to mention why we were going to Kanjarapally, see our friend Priyanka, was getting engaged, and yeah thats about why we were there). Met Priyanka and her whole family (and I mean the whole family every one was there!), stayed there for half an hour and true girl style Priyanka unloaded a lot of information about her going to be Hubby. It was a lot of information only for me actually because everyone else knew the whole love story, for me it was all "really" "wow" "aww" so all in all after all the time I spend with my friends, I am glad to say nothing has changed, I am still the last to know everything about everyone (And I am serious we met the whole family, without brushing our teeth!!!!).


We finally reached our rooms and I had a choice between a room with three beds or a room with two beds, and me being me chose the two beded room which was a great choice, as it was the only room with air conditioning. After lunch I passed out and was suddenly woken up by very agitated Nisha who was already dressed at 3:30pm for a 6:00pm function. I dressed in a semi dazed fashion (I just woke up and she was already ready, make up and everything)and all of us walked in out of each others room for soap, make up etc etc.


We met the boys at the church and after the engagement at the church the nine of us went back to Priyanka house for dinner. Priyanka and her partner looked very comfortable and the arrangements were artistically delicate nothing over done. It was a nice perfect evening engagement(minus the torrential rain one hour before the show leaving everything wet and our heels kept sinking into the sand).


Trudged back to my room ready to pack my heels, when everyone decided that the air-conditioned room should be invaded. So up we were talking all night knowing that this time may truly be our last time together. We keep saying that, but I think this may be it. The single fools of the world sat in that a/c room, talking rubbish for 5 hours. What we live for I guess...

Next day went by in sleeping on the way back to Cochin, spending a little time at a mall, lunch and the rest of the afternoon at Jitu's place. Kerala is the only place I know where they insist on giving you cold food and colored water and the only state where the water is warmer than the food they serve.


Luck was nice enough to make sure that we reach the bus before the rain lashed down on us. But luck stayed behind as we had to endure a very loud and very bad hindi movie for the next four hours, my friend Loafer insisted that she put her chair all the way back so as to crush my knees.

The drivers of the buses I had been on seem to have been on some kind of suicide mission, they way they drove, I am kind of surprised I didnt die. Prayed for life after the bus ride.


Scared, annoyed and sweaty I still managed to fall asleep (With a lil help from Mika and Sade).

Innumerable songs, crushed knees (Which still hurt btw)and five hours later I was awoken by a very loud noise and looking outside I saw buses, mess and noise, welcome back to Bangalore.

In front of Backstreet

My friend Sam and I arrived at Palace Grounds for the Rock in India concert as the sun set. We wanted to skip the riff raffs of the Indian "Western" music Industry, so we arrived two and a half hours after the show started. We met up with two of our other friends Lalitha and Kaveri and we pushed and shoved our way to the front. We had a good view from where we were standing.

Prime Circle was the band playing, when the four of us graced the occasion with our presence. The lead singer Ross Learmonth was a cutie and the music was fine, we just grateful, that ten minutes after we arrived it was over.

Not to be a hypocrite but when you are lying to get your self in front, one must always use a plausible excuse like my Lalitha did, she made up some imaginary friends and dragged us all in front. I say this, as there was a girl trying to make her way in front by saying "My mummy is in front, she's in front, let me through" and then she plants her bushy haired self right in front of me. The four of us were truly pissed off! As in the middle she turned to see whether her Daddy was at the back(which he was, but that is not the point). None of us bothered to keep our voices down, over our concern for this girl's paused search for her "mother".

After an irritatingly long set up. The freshly botoxed Richard Marx comes on stage. His drummer should be given full credit as he was the one who kept the crowd going. His key board player drew attention to himself by wearing a Royal Challengers shirt. It is strange when the entire band (including bass guitarist and lead guitarist) are more interesting than the main Singer.

Richard Marx tried to get the crowd to sing a 1987 song, and the crowd didn't even know what he was talking about. So when he stopped singing to let the crowd sing, there was absolute silence. And Mr. Marx had a very embarrassed look on his face. Did her really think the crowd cared for any other song other than "Right her waiting for you". In 1987 half the audience wasn't even born and also NO ONE CARES.

He played his new song, and asked the audience to repeat the lyrics. He said the lyrics are.. and a guy from the audience loudly said "We want Backstreet". Finally he finished his boring performance and the crowd was more than ready for the Backstreet boys.


As soon as the lights went down and the music started, the boys had barely come on stage, when everyone's hands and phones went straight up in the air. They of course started with Backstreet's back and then onto we've got it going on. They belted out all their hits, except for Get down. But it was all very good. They are very good dancers and everything was sychronised very well.

Band member A.J was the only one making direct eye contact with the audience and connected with them the best. Nick Carter was completely immersed in his performance and had minimal interaction with his audience. The child is getting better looking with age. Brian was cute with all his monkey style faces and acrobatics.His wedding ring was all nice and shining reminding the audience that he was very much taken. But the man has had the same hair style for 17 years(time to change). Howie seems to have an allergy to the middle part of the stage as he always wandered off to the sides while singing. The audience was slightly impressed by his sort-of moon walk.

Equation:

Hot dancers+super cute guys+touring the world months at a time= they must have very trusting wives.

Bangalore is pretty much an anglo name and I haven't met any foreigners who have had trouble saying the name. So it was weird to hear Brian Littrell say "We are so happy to be in Bangladore" , which left the audience a little puzzled. After that the boyz only asked INDEEYA to make some noise.

This is probably the first and last time Rock in India is going to see so many girls (from all age groups) attend their event. The only guys present were the ones that were dragged in by their girlfriends.

If the Backstreet boys ever do decide to come Back ... It would most definitely be Alright!

Valentine's Day

One year ago I decided to seriously look for love, and I am sorry to report that one year later, I still haven't found it.

So here I am one more Valentine's day and all alone. I am complete believer in Valentine's day. People call it commercialism but for me it will always be a reason to celebrate love. A dedicated day just for loving that someone special.

There is a song called "Two is better than one" and every time I hear that song I think I am just one. At least I am one- a whole number and a whole-well rounded person [in all senses :)]. Thankfully not a half and waiting for someone to come and make me whole.

Talking about wholes and ones. I realised that I want another one to make it 1+1. I do not me plus half or me plus one and a half. Me just wants a plus one.

Maybe in the year of my silver jubilee I will have a plus one.

Oh Universe, a small footnote to you, kindly send someone who will love me the way I want to be loved. Any lesser than that will be a massive waste of your energies and a colossal waste of my time.


XOXO
Sang

Biblical Family

Last week my dad asked my mother and me , to tell him a good example of a family from the bible. After our two minute mental search through the bible, we found that there were no perfect families in the bible. Its strange isnt it.... a book that is so full of wisdom and has some words of encouragement for every situation in life, that one could possibly think off, has not added an example of "a perfect family".

Pondered this thought over some days and realised that, maybe god didnt put an example of a perfect family as there isnt any. Maybe in all his infinite wisdom knew that, its not possible. Maybe he knew that as individuals we fall and fail so many times, that if there was a family comparison, we would have crumbled and crumpled under that pressure.

We have to compare our lives with Jesus, and falling short would be an understatement of enormous magnitude. But yet we run the race and fight the good fight. We are to put the yoke of guilt, shame, sin onto the cross, but we seldom do it fully, we always keep a little of all of that within us, so that we dont feel guilty about not feeling guilty. This slows us down, frustrates us, and we end up putting alot of pressure on ourselves. Now all that, we feel when we fall short of the glory as Individuals, imagine if we knew we failed as a family, .

As a family what would define failure (maybe divorce, but its the failure of marriage/relationship.. I dont know) is it a kid rebelling?kid marrying a person from another caste, creed, country??? not listening to parents??? what constitutes a failed family? Who decides whether the family is a success or a failure??Non-doting parents??? Parents who are semi-jailers???

Random thoughts on these...

Its amazing that the bible talks about curses and blessings going to be passed on from generation to generation.Eve's disobedience and Abraham's mistake.


Families are punished and families are blessed in the bible.

Individuals were more focused on than families (David, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Ruth, Esther)

But god said Be fruitful and multiply, have a companion.......

Special chapter on how to raise a family is not there

But how to treat Husband, wife, child are stated....


Thats what I love about my god, it is that he has given freedom to raise a family as we like, with simple adherence to rules like "love her/him" "dont anger child" "child honor parents", in such simplicity he's put boundary lines as well as immense space to raise a family,


My god, is beyond words... only he can come up with concepts such as grace, mercy... love and family.... Think about it, without such concepts... what would our world be like. To think the creator has all of it and we have barely ventured or fathomed its awesomeness.