Year

For this new year's party am real happy about the plans ve made, which is.......Nothing! which is something that always works out very well around this time of the year....

Well in the begining of the year, I had suspected certain people would die and this and that would happen in the world. Glad to inform you that all suspected are still alive and worse happened in the world.

This year there was a massive financial recession. You think the roads would be empty cos everyone's going broke, but oh No!!!!!!! its like no one has even heard of it. The roads are jammed, still have to wait forever to get a seat at restaurants. Am mean Hellooo!!! Shouldnt everyone be sitting at home making a little nest egg for the stormy days ahead, instead of inconveniencing me!

Last year I didnt make any new year resolutions I only told myself that I would attempt things (attempting is not the same as making a resolution) like.....being nice to my sister, losing weight, pretend to like marketing and help out mom, well...... a year later from that I am still attempting the attempting, Its sometimes very tempting to start attempting all the things I plan on attempting but when my sister bugs me, I see enchiladas and when "Punkd or Heroes" is on the telly,temptation to attempt is overcome by not doing any attempting. So for next year I will carry over the attempting the attempting plan. Isnt that brilliant.My brain is better than I give it credit for.

Well back to my new years plans, its church and pizza, I love it when just before it strikes 12 we all snuggle up on the sofa and talk about the year gone by and thank the good lord for all his countless blessings. "Its just so Delicate"(I 'll give rs 50 for those who can tell me who made that word famous).

For like 2 mths there was dry spell on the music scene and now its like there's so much, Kayne West's 808s and heartbreaks is just awesome, Britney's Circus is just so Britney and Dido after sooooooo long she's back and its so nice. Downloading all their stuff has been such a treat.


Anyways.....I GTG........

You know ve been still thinking about this line...... "Everyone is a Potential BackStabber". It gives me a weird sense of security and also scares the crap out of me at the same time.

I think my blog is over a year old now, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chasing after Innocence

Over the past few months I realised that I am starting to losing my innocence. I had beliefs that people who had good corporate values had good family values as well. That once your married all your troubles are over. Friendships last forever. Not everyone has major drama happening in their lives. People care. People's mind sets have moved from the 1850s into the 2000s.Rich people dont cheat other rich people. You can trust people.

Well obvi from all the above that it all came crashing down on me. Every time one of the above mentioned situations occurred I was lost for words, It was a weird emotion of shock and nothingness at the same time. The shock is not that I didnt know that these things happen, the shock is that I thought I would always be surrounded by people who had Zero drama in their lives. So when shit happened to a person who is so close to me. I didnt know what to do except....... Just to........ Shut up and listen.

Where are those happy days they seem so innocent and behind. Those happy days of carefree, not a care in the world days. Now its job(boss-her/his madness,moodiness, whims), colleagues (their baggages, attitudes,jokes(which hardly makes your mouth twitch),we have to pretend to care, we are forced to listen), boyfriends/husband (I have no personal experience, but from observations its all the he said-she said drama),

Remember school and college, where whatever your superior said got lost half way between her/his mouth and your brain. Where we didnt have to put up with gossip mongers, two faced rascals, those that did bad things and those that were just absolutely weird, Now its all smiles and "oh really ha ha ha ha" when what really thinking is "I really dont give a shit."

For me now everyone is a potential backstabber. Which means that maybe I am also a potential backstabber, all I ask of myself is that I do it unknowingly than knowingly. The more I grow up the more aware of my own craftiness my own potential evil. Maybe thats why for many nights I dreamt of children, one running behind one, the other time singing to it, the other time feeding it. So I googled it and found out that sub-conscientiously I am scared of losing my innocence and free spirit.

Pondering over this for days and days on end.Till a line from the good Lord saved me.

"Be wise as serpents AND as INNOCENT as doves"

Dream Snatcher

I have heard the question about the shortage of leaders in the world, or the lack of people to make a difference.
I think the answer is because people are not given the chance. When you are saddled along with 20,000 other employees, who loves any one enough to take the effort to find the "dark knight". We barely know our neighbors or ourselves, sifting through the hay to find the silver needle is a task no one would even think off.

I was watching the video "Indescribable" and there the speaker showed a picture of the earth some gazillion miles away and it was called the "pale blue dot". And he said that everyone who has lived there life have lived it on that pale blue dot. When I heard that the thought that ran through my mind was not the number of people who have lived, but the number of dreams that had died on that pale blue dot. How many people had the potential but died before making it, how many people had what it took to be great but it was all thwarted by their superiors or someone who unjustly made them lose their dream.

Heard of the Dream Catcher, I dont believe in it. But I believe in the Dream Snatcher, its a behavior in all of us, if we deny the behavior we have lied to ourself for the millionth and thirty first time.


You must be wondering why am I going on about the universe, dreams and such depressing stuff, it would be because I saw some dreams being crushed and I felt like a Dream Snatcher terrorist, even though I didnt make the decision. I saw it, I knew the dreams and I saw reality. I wish I could tell them about the sorrow of what is to take place. Then maybe they can move to a place where their dreams can actually come true. I suddenly got a cold chill down my spine, if they could do that to them, then they can do the same things to me. I screamed in my head.

John Lennon' "Working Class Hero" (slightly retold)

As soon as you start they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.


They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

Keep you doped with sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still peasents as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.

If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.

Grown up?

Well lets see what happened over the last 2 months, I got a new boss, my parents viva'd Las Vegas, I was dumped at grans place, must stay there more often, cos I loose a lot of weight when am there (which is contrary to most popular saying about living with the grans), and the usual world stories of Hurricanes, killing of Christians, banks going bankrupt and those merciless bombs going off all over the place.

Suddenly I don't have the time to be introspective as I was a little while ago. My life has been live now and do everything now.... Yes I am very much apart of the right here right now generation and I am proud of it. I read about some slow movement in Europe, I think I would die of frustration there.

You know what people have been telling me "Wow you've grown so much". I think that line was supposed to be said during my teen years not in the middle of 22.My mom also told me that I had become a big girl and one of teachers told me that I have become such a grown up. Hearing all these things I felt Tremendously Insulted. Dont ask me why but I did.

I saw Singh is Kinng............BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stored Memories

In search of a lost CD, we cleaned out the attic, in our house the attic are the top cupboards nobody looks at unless they want to shove something there, things that we or someone might need at some point of time that never comes. My father started pulling things out on the instructions of my mother, he stopped after exactly one cupboard realising that he was being used as a cleaner. So my mother roped me into it, I thought "Good Lord this is not how I want to spend my evening". But as I looked through all the huge bags filled with things stored away, I was happy that I stayed, mostly because my mother would have thrown away half of MY stuff, if I hadnt been there to supervise.

As we cleaned out the closet/attic. I found my old life, books from school, college, their magazines, old school uniforms that friends had written on,games, letters, birthday cards... and one that was 10 years old and telling me to "Hold On to my youth". Why was I being told that I needed to hold on to my youth at the age of 12??? I dont know.I'll need that card when I am three times twelve. I also found an old picture of my grandfather. I put it on my table.

I find it strange that we tend put sweet memories away in some box on top of some shelf that is out of our way and only occasionally look back once in 8 years and look at them for twenty minutes and again put them away for the next 8 years of our lives. But bad memories are stored in our minds, which we carry around in our hearts and go about with them everyday, memories of people/life who have hurt us, cheated us, disappointed us, those scabs harden our hearts against the world/life. Yet we know on some top shelf in the place we call home, is the place we have stored our best memories, those that make us smile and laugh and warm and soften/heal our scabbed/stabbed hearts.


I put my grandfather's picture on the table to remind my mother that there was some one who had loved her unconditionally and its on my table to show that there is still and always be someone who will also love her unconditionally. Its also on my table to remind me that there might have been someone on earth who had dreamt of me, even before my mother did, someone who was dying to see me. I also kept a card outside to remind me that I had wonderful friends and the more wonderful thing is that we are still friends a decade later. Maybe we should all keep something on our everyday worktable to remind our sub conscience that yes there were some good people around some of the some people are still around to create more memories that we can store in a box which we can put away and after 8 years pull them out and smile at the life and people we once had.


Memories, something that I know will live a little longer than me.