Year

For this new year's party am real happy about the plans ve made, which is.......Nothing! which is something that always works out very well around this time of the year....

Well in the begining of the year, I had suspected certain people would die and this and that would happen in the world. Glad to inform you that all suspected are still alive and worse happened in the world.

This year there was a massive financial recession. You think the roads would be empty cos everyone's going broke, but oh No!!!!!!! its like no one has even heard of it. The roads are jammed, still have to wait forever to get a seat at restaurants. Am mean Hellooo!!! Shouldnt everyone be sitting at home making a little nest egg for the stormy days ahead, instead of inconveniencing me!

Last year I didnt make any new year resolutions I only told myself that I would attempt things (attempting is not the same as making a resolution) like.....being nice to my sister, losing weight, pretend to like marketing and help out mom, well...... a year later from that I am still attempting the attempting, Its sometimes very tempting to start attempting all the things I plan on attempting but when my sister bugs me, I see enchiladas and when "Punkd or Heroes" is on the telly,temptation to attempt is overcome by not doing any attempting. So for next year I will carry over the attempting the attempting plan. Isnt that brilliant.My brain is better than I give it credit for.

Well back to my new years plans, its church and pizza, I love it when just before it strikes 12 we all snuggle up on the sofa and talk about the year gone by and thank the good lord for all his countless blessings. "Its just so Delicate"(I 'll give rs 50 for those who can tell me who made that word famous).

For like 2 mths there was dry spell on the music scene and now its like there's so much, Kayne West's 808s and heartbreaks is just awesome, Britney's Circus is just so Britney and Dido after sooooooo long she's back and its so nice. Downloading all their stuff has been such a treat.


Anyways.....I GTG........

You know ve been still thinking about this line...... "Everyone is a Potential BackStabber". It gives me a weird sense of security and also scares the crap out of me at the same time.

I think my blog is over a year old now, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chasing after Innocence

Over the past few months I realised that I am starting to losing my innocence. I had beliefs that people who had good corporate values had good family values as well. That once your married all your troubles are over. Friendships last forever. Not everyone has major drama happening in their lives. People care. People's mind sets have moved from the 1850s into the 2000s.Rich people dont cheat other rich people. You can trust people.

Well obvi from all the above that it all came crashing down on me. Every time one of the above mentioned situations occurred I was lost for words, It was a weird emotion of shock and nothingness at the same time. The shock is not that I didnt know that these things happen, the shock is that I thought I would always be surrounded by people who had Zero drama in their lives. So when shit happened to a person who is so close to me. I didnt know what to do except....... Just to........ Shut up and listen.

Where are those happy days they seem so innocent and behind. Those happy days of carefree, not a care in the world days. Now its job(boss-her/his madness,moodiness, whims), colleagues (their baggages, attitudes,jokes(which hardly makes your mouth twitch),we have to pretend to care, we are forced to listen), boyfriends/husband (I have no personal experience, but from observations its all the he said-she said drama),

Remember school and college, where whatever your superior said got lost half way between her/his mouth and your brain. Where we didnt have to put up with gossip mongers, two faced rascals, those that did bad things and those that were just absolutely weird, Now its all smiles and "oh really ha ha ha ha" when what really thinking is "I really dont give a shit."

For me now everyone is a potential backstabber. Which means that maybe I am also a potential backstabber, all I ask of myself is that I do it unknowingly than knowingly. The more I grow up the more aware of my own craftiness my own potential evil. Maybe thats why for many nights I dreamt of children, one running behind one, the other time singing to it, the other time feeding it. So I googled it and found out that sub-conscientiously I am scared of losing my innocence and free spirit.

Pondering over this for days and days on end.Till a line from the good Lord saved me.

"Be wise as serpents AND as INNOCENT as doves"

Dream Snatcher

I have heard the question about the shortage of leaders in the world, or the lack of people to make a difference.
I think the answer is because people are not given the chance. When you are saddled along with 20,000 other employees, who loves any one enough to take the effort to find the "dark knight". We barely know our neighbors or ourselves, sifting through the hay to find the silver needle is a task no one would even think off.

I was watching the video "Indescribable" and there the speaker showed a picture of the earth some gazillion miles away and it was called the "pale blue dot". And he said that everyone who has lived there life have lived it on that pale blue dot. When I heard that the thought that ran through my mind was not the number of people who have lived, but the number of dreams that had died on that pale blue dot. How many people had the potential but died before making it, how many people had what it took to be great but it was all thwarted by their superiors or someone who unjustly made them lose their dream.

Heard of the Dream Catcher, I dont believe in it. But I believe in the Dream Snatcher, its a behavior in all of us, if we deny the behavior we have lied to ourself for the millionth and thirty first time.


You must be wondering why am I going on about the universe, dreams and such depressing stuff, it would be because I saw some dreams being crushed and I felt like a Dream Snatcher terrorist, even though I didnt make the decision. I saw it, I knew the dreams and I saw reality. I wish I could tell them about the sorrow of what is to take place. Then maybe they can move to a place where their dreams can actually come true. I suddenly got a cold chill down my spine, if they could do that to them, then they can do the same things to me. I screamed in my head.

John Lennon' "Working Class Hero" (slightly retold)

As soon as you start they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.


They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

Keep you doped with sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still peasents as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.

There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.

If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.

Grown up?

Well lets see what happened over the last 2 months, I got a new boss, my parents viva'd Las Vegas, I was dumped at grans place, must stay there more often, cos I loose a lot of weight when am there (which is contrary to most popular saying about living with the grans), and the usual world stories of Hurricanes, killing of Christians, banks going bankrupt and those merciless bombs going off all over the place.

Suddenly I don't have the time to be introspective as I was a little while ago. My life has been live now and do everything now.... Yes I am very much apart of the right here right now generation and I am proud of it. I read about some slow movement in Europe, I think I would die of frustration there.

You know what people have been telling me "Wow you've grown so much". I think that line was supposed to be said during my teen years not in the middle of 22.My mom also told me that I had become a big girl and one of teachers told me that I have become such a grown up. Hearing all these things I felt Tremendously Insulted. Dont ask me why but I did.

I saw Singh is Kinng............BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stored Memories

In search of a lost CD, we cleaned out the attic, in our house the attic are the top cupboards nobody looks at unless they want to shove something there, things that we or someone might need at some point of time that never comes. My father started pulling things out on the instructions of my mother, he stopped after exactly one cupboard realising that he was being used as a cleaner. So my mother roped me into it, I thought "Good Lord this is not how I want to spend my evening". But as I looked through all the huge bags filled with things stored away, I was happy that I stayed, mostly because my mother would have thrown away half of MY stuff, if I hadnt been there to supervise.

As we cleaned out the closet/attic. I found my old life, books from school, college, their magazines, old school uniforms that friends had written on,games, letters, birthday cards... and one that was 10 years old and telling me to "Hold On to my youth". Why was I being told that I needed to hold on to my youth at the age of 12??? I dont know.I'll need that card when I am three times twelve. I also found an old picture of my grandfather. I put it on my table.

I find it strange that we tend put sweet memories away in some box on top of some shelf that is out of our way and only occasionally look back once in 8 years and look at them for twenty minutes and again put them away for the next 8 years of our lives. But bad memories are stored in our minds, which we carry around in our hearts and go about with them everyday, memories of people/life who have hurt us, cheated us, disappointed us, those scabs harden our hearts against the world/life. Yet we know on some top shelf in the place we call home, is the place we have stored our best memories, those that make us smile and laugh and warm and soften/heal our scabbed/stabbed hearts.


I put my grandfather's picture on the table to remind my mother that there was some one who had loved her unconditionally and its on my table to show that there is still and always be someone who will also love her unconditionally. Its also on my table to remind me that there might have been someone on earth who had dreamt of me, even before my mother did, someone who was dying to see me. I also kept a card outside to remind me that I had wonderful friends and the more wonderful thing is that we are still friends a decade later. Maybe we should all keep something on our everyday worktable to remind our sub conscience that yes there were some good people around some of the some people are still around to create more memories that we can store in a box which we can put away and after 8 years pull them out and smile at the life and people we once had.


Memories, something that I know will live a little longer than me.

Girls the new guys

Over the past 2 months I have heard that 2 of my guy friends and 6 more guys I knew in college are going to get hitched. There's nothing wrong in that, its just that these guys are my age and they are getting married so young.All of my guy friends brides are chosen by mummy dearest, except for one. The rest had brides allotted to them.

While all my Girl friends are planning to wait another 4-5years before they even think of tying the knot. Their choice of partners are going to be their choice, if mommy and daddy dearest don't agree, then they will just have to find a way to get along with their in 5 years would be son-in-law.

How is it that the girls are being more daring nowadays, late marriages, career focused, must stand on two feet which are my own attitude. While the guys are ready to settle down and do what mama says and join papa's business.

Girls are now foot loose and fancy free while guys prefer chaining themselves down?

What happened? when did this transition take place?

When did the boys turn into mommy and daddy's little prince and the girls turn into the wild child.

I truly truly didn't know how to react when I heard one of my guy friends say "I'll marry whom ever my mom chooses for me, even, if that girl is blind. If my mother says marry her, I'll marry her."

I didn't know whether to think, his thinking was noble or foolish. Good thing I didn't say what I thought which was "LOSER".

I just hope and pray that I don't ever have to end up with a mama's boy. If the guy I'm with has to consult his mama for everything, then he would have to go to her for comforting too, cos I would have dumped him for sure.

Call me whatever but, I somehow don't respect mama's boys, they kinda fall slightly in front of me, they go from man to wimp, very fast.

Don't get me wrong, its important to love your mom and respect her and so on, but there is a very well drawn out line, from a man who loves his mother and a one that depends on his mother's opinion on everything.


(Stray but relevant incident- My friend told me that once her mother was so proud and dismayed at the same time. Proud because her son asked her to teach him how to cook and dismayed that her 23 year old daughter has never asked and probably never will.
Now her brother knows his way around the kitchen and helps her mother in any way he can. Her mother says if my daughter EVER wants to learn cooking then.....
DAY 1: Tour de Kitchen- places where spoons, pans, plates are kept will be shown.
From there she shall start.)

Instead of the guy asking the girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage, the girl will be asking the guy's mother permission. I would personally never EVER do that.

If these are the new breed of guys, I rather die an old maid, there will be no him, me and his mommy triangle, where I am concerned.

To all who are with mama's boys, all the best to you. And to the rest, if you ever meet a mama's boy please say ......... NEXT!!!!!!

D.R.E.A.M

Life would be great if where I lived had 100 odd million people less, the weather of 1970's. the technology of today. Would it be perfect?????? Would it ??? would it???????? Well I cant think of anything more perfect, I'm sure that some genius critic will find 100 things wrong with my make believe era. But still "I HAVE A DREAM".

If you have ever read more than 10 pages of any thing management, you will always come across the S.M.A.R.T goals, where S is something and M is one thing More. Anyway what its says in short that it should be practical, achievable and within a time frame and in those boundaries one is to make goals irrespective of them being personal, professional or otherwise.

I wonder do Dreams also have to follow such guidelines for them to come true? Must I dream of practical and achievable things, like not screwing up (achievable)(practical), (within my given time frame) during the week.

Can I not dream of something absolutely normal like traveling to the moon, because I won a contest which I had entered at the local mall. Or me being randomly selected as the next prime minister because the country wanted an experiment in luck and I'm the lucky one.Or I wake up in the morning and get a call from the United Nations asking for my opinion.

See none of these dreams are outlandish, its not like I want to sprout wings and fly or get fins and gills and go discover our ocean. I dream normal things, but still I know that they coming true is never going to be a reality.

Maybe I should right a book, which will join the exclusive billion member club of the "How to books". I will write on "How to dream the right way". It will contain truths like....If you think that tomorrow you will be CEO, then that is not dreaming the right way, if you dream to be CEO in 20 years, then you are well on your way to using the executive washroom.Basic fundas like that are not explained to people, thats why there is so much of violence and frustration among the youth. Its because nobody tells them the right way to day dream.

In the unspecified future days, I shall write a book on day dreaming, please book your copy of the book now, there maybe a shortage.Now thats the right way of Dreaming, all who are wise follow my example.

Douleur Exquise

Now dont think kinky.....

Every month I have to go through a lot of pain. The pain of beautifying myself, the pain of getting my eyebrows done, my hands waxed etc. The result after that pain is a big WOW! I look great I feel fab. It truly is equisite.

I think life itself is an equisite pain, You must feel sorrow to experience joy, feel sad to understand happiness, have bad days to enjoy the good days.

Pain right from birth to death, struggle to breathe our first breath and struggle to as we try to gasp our never know last breath.


There is a saying that darkness is just the absence of light, cold the absence of heat and so Pain is the absence of ????????????????

When I see beauty natural or man made, the question that arises how much pain was involved????? Pain of shoots breaking out of the seeds, caterpillars pushing open their cocoons, babies animals trying to break out of their shells.

The pain people have to go through to make something, frustration,rejection, apprehension,isolation.

Pain=Beauty


P.S- Which is more painful pain of loss or pain of gain?

me me

OH my goodness, I just read all my previous posts, I used to write such mad stuff, and now am all like serious and intellectual. My boss told me I am more of an intellect than I am street smart. I'm wondering whether I should chance that statement with my family, I dont know whether I'll be handing over one more reason to tease me or they'll be really proud. Pretty sure they will so former and not latter. My sis says I'm street smart-I think I shall believe her (this would be the 14th time in 22yrs).

I just stuck loads of funny stuff on my pin board. Not appreciated by anyone,ME not happy.

My friends have started to get married. Societal Pressure HUH!!!!!!!!


My office is situated funnily, In front of my window, I can see rain drops on the glasspane. But on the horizon, its all sunshine. What is nature trying to tell me??? I bring as many blessings as the rain that falls.... (dats a nice interpretation-I love the way my brain works)......Therefore thats what it means.

Previous Life

I just graduated from college. My days of being a registered student are over. My big boohoo off late.

Being an adult is really boring, with all the responsibility talk and getting older blah. I never wanted to grow up, turning 17 was painful, 18 was depressing and now maybe I have come to terms with the fact that I have to grow old, along with everyone else and turn 23 after 6 months.
Fear of aging is something like death and taxes you are sure you are going to feel it one day.

I also had to let go of loads of friends over the weekend and over many years. Its like I just went through an Autumn of Friendship, where I am losing most of the friends that have grown on me over the past years. I think winter's setting in. I wonder when spring will arrive.

I don't know whether its parody or irony that seasons and time make and break, bring together and pull apart,heal and wound. To love and hate them again is subjective to what you have experienced with these twins of life.I don't know whether my winter will be harsh, my spring be bountiful. Isn't that why we never sometimes want to let go of our good past, because we don't know whether the memories of the past will sustain us through out a future winter of an unknown duration.

Sometimes memories, reality and dreams get mixed up and I dont know whether the life I lived was a dream or a distant memory. Its hard to imagine that this time some time back I was leading a very different life.


My previous life as a student was perfect. My present life as a cub in the jungle who is trying to find her feet. I hope my after (right now) life will be................

A Choice-ist

Choices........ if we have none we are unhappy and if we have too many then we are unhappy again. Life is all about the choices we make. Life's payback is also on the choices we make. Here's a situation, I make a wrong choice and then get punished for it immediately my question is if I hadn't made the wrong choice and the outcome was the same then does making the right or the wrong choice play a significant role. The wrong choice would make me believe its payback for doing wrong,but what if I had nothing wrong then what would I have blamed my punishment on.

If rewards were given out for the choices we made then will I be punished for one big wrong choice and will all my other small right choices be over looked and vice versa. How do we ever know whether what happens to us is because of the choices we make.. What scale shall I use to measure whether the choice I have made are right or wrong, should I use time, circumstances or people, what is the best tool to see whether what I have chosen is the right choice?If you sow is what you reap, then everything you do is sowing and everything that happens to you is reaping??? Do laws of nature apply to the laws of life? If I sow wheat and get rice, should I be grateful or angry. If I plant mangoes and get mustard, is life/nature trying to tell me is that the small things in life are those that will just have to fulfill me or telling me, its all I deserve and vice versa.When I see the world and all its wickedness, 5 yr olds getting raped and tens of thousands in Zimbabwe getting slaughtered, then one can never apply the sowing and reaping philosophy to them . No one could have sown such bad seeds for evil like that to be reaped.

Maybe we can undo sowing and save harvest, if we know what we have planted is bad. When it comes to our lives, relationships,society and planet, maybe if we just uproot the evil and toil from the very beginning and plant love, kindness, forgiveness, mercy, empathy and morals. We may just be able to save ourselves from a bad harvest of dead lives, rotten relationships, degrading society and a dying planet.

iBliss

As we swish by the knowledge era, where everything you want to know about anything, past, present or otherwise are available. It's not acceptable to be ignorant. Ignorance no longer equals bliss, it equals complete stupidity.

The above average person uses only 10% of their brain, so the rest 90% is waiting for eternity to be resurrected. The question arises Do we need know so much? Does knowing so much increase happiness? How much is too much and how much is too less? What information is good for us and what is bad? Does knowing everything mean everything?
When you stop learning you stop growing!!! What is it that we have to learn to grow?

Ignorance maybe pardoned if say for example you were in Australia and didn't know it is illegal to wear hot pink pants after midday Sunday (I am not making this up). Thats okay.... its not normal to by heart every country's constitution... unless of course you lack a life!!!!

Not knowing something a billion people are into is just sadness, like fighting global warming, talking about the la test phone or straining their voices for Darfur.

Or worse is that lame excuse.."Oh am not savvy enough or I don't have time or I'm not into it" its all translation for I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!!!!!


People who refuse to take a look beyond their surgically perfect nose should be all brought together and sent to a different planet. There where they truly only have to care about their own well being.

Technology has made our lives absolutely blissful.... we have become easier to reach but we refuse to reach.I think its made us so blissful that now we have the choice to but we don't make the choice to.....

Seasons and thinking

Monsoon is my favorite season, I love the big dark Grey clouds that drift by, it makes me feel like the whole world is at peace, everything is perfect. Unlike summer where the sun burns mercilessly upon the earth, and everybody profusing with sweat and the heat just tires you out.The other reason I like monsoon is that my hair falls less and that's wonderful, cos then people can stop cursing me for my poker straight hair getting scattered all over the place.


Here's a thought if we can transfer blood,kidneys, heart and etc etc from one person to another then why cant we transfer fat from one person to another. Why cant scientists come up with something where human fat can be used? Won't it solve most hunger issues? Imagine donating fat so that the fat u have donated helps save someone Else's life isn't that awesome. To think we may never have to struggle to lose weight ever again.........

Long Long time

Months have gone by without me writing whats going on with me. I made the excuse of not feeling funny. I wrote a lot of short bits which I thought I would post, but they are so full of my self inflicted bitterness and thankfully never did post them. In my chat window my status says that I am at crossroads. After a very long wait at that junction I'm happy to inform you that I have chosen a path. I was first wondering why but then as I went along the road, I saw that the road was comfortable.............. I can live with comfort.

Summing up what happened over the past something months, around the world there were a couple of bombings here and there, Tibetans and non Tibetans rioted and then everyone forgot about whatever they were rioting for. Nature of course in the news (imagine if I had left her out), she belted out a couple of tornadoes, cyclones, earthquakes...cant tell which one caused more damage....Then there was Obama vs Hillary...now its Obama vs Mcain the whole world wishes that the stupid election would just get over.

Feeling super kicked cos "I just got paid, Friday night"-(dats an N'sync song for all those who don't know what all their fab lyrics). Major financial planning going on in my head. I'm planning my money like am earning Warren Buffet's pay package.The weekend that passed by was weird I got calls that made me come to crossroads again. This got me thinking..

Aren't/Are we always at crossroads????

Eradication

Bona sera, How has life treated you the past couple of weeks, cos life gave me tiring days and less sleep as a bonus. Just finished mid terms.

I was writing a paper which needed less thinking and loads of writing. Across the room I saw the recipe for an eye sore, A dame wearing what looked like an ordinary salwar...that is till I saw the bottom. It was white as the basic color, and then it was covered with polka dots, green,blue, yellow colored polka dots. I was stupified, But I had to look away so that my eyes wont damaged.

When we talk about diseases the scientific world happily professes that it has eradicated diseases like small pox and its well on its way to eradicate polio. But still in some corner in some part of the world nobody has heard of or would never be able to pronounce correctly if they did ever come across it, small pox will suddenly pop out. And in developing worlds, polio is still around!!

Just like diseases fashion trends should be eradicated especially polka dots, we think that oh nobody wears them no more, they went away in the sixties, but somewhere some tailor who went to slept in the sixties and didn't bother waking up till 2007 and thinks its en vogue to produce clothing with polka dots printed in flashy colors.

The next thing that should be eradicated are colors like fluorescent and that color which is not peach and its not orange, its a mix of both (that is just pure YUCK). The fluorescent colors if its not on a life jacket or traffic policeman's jacket it should not be worn.Forget worn it should not even be thought of as a color to put on an item of clothing.

All countries have health inspectors, and therefore all countries should have Fashion inspectors, they should go to places where clothes are created, if they are violating fashion rules.... FINE Them!!!!!! These inspectors would be doing public service, they are saving the public from fashion tragedies.


Before you leave the house don't forget to go through the FASHION hand book of rules, if your clothing is complying with all the rules and your clothes are covering Basic+Essentials. You are good to go.

Ciao take care be fashion safe!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

Bona sera
Its been a really really really long time since, ve updated the blog.........well loads has happened.....(mostly just time passing by)....Happy New year....even though,...its a lil late for that, I turned a year older too, exactly 9 days ago.

I think I'll get used to the fact that it is 2008, only sometime in April...or maybe sometime in May. Its so strange, that when I see something dated 2000, I think "Hey thats like last year or two years ago"...But the fact of the matter is that it was EIGHT years ago. That seems really far away, buts its also not...... weird.....atleast for me.


At the begining of a year, people will always speculate, whats going to happen, like... what will happen to the stock market or which government will rule us next.........Me the great shamelessly sat and thought of all the old people I know and picked out those that had the least probability of making it to 2009 (aint I sweet).


Class has been at an all time low on the boredom scale. I have finished reading 3 books and all the reading has been done in class.
We have a brand new class... its called stress management and councelling.... I have learnt nothing.... all the teaching has made become an avid reader and more refreshed after class. This term's really hectic for us, I want to care... but am too busy cribbing about how its cutting into my lazzing around time.

ciao for now